Saturday, March 31, 2018

This week I drove to LA three times, there and back, there and back, there and back again. Last night, after driving back for the third and last time, I fell on my bed and slept restlessly. I woke up still tired, but I forced myself to sit at this desk to write. I haven’t written in a long time.

Here’s the deal: life can be a distraction. At the same time, though, it’s what we’re called to live. I feel guilty that I haven’t written in a while, but—wow! dear spring! While I was holed up in my dorm room, taking notes and reading books and trying to figure out how to write, it crept up until it sprung during this week, spring break. I love the sunshine and the people and the promise of summer. I love the lazy days on the couch and the inadvertent adventures and the long drives and the fresh mornings. I love the watermelon and the cutoff shorts and the hint of cold in the air. 

This week I dyed my hair. It was supposed to be lavender, but the lavender washed out after a day, so it looks definitely blond now. I bought ripped girlfriend jeans and a solid black top and felt very LA—I went to LA in them, actually, on the second time I drove up. I don’t know if I felt very much like myself, but the definition of myself changes every day—some days I’m Rachel, the Quiet Introvert; other days I’m Rachel, the Talkative Ambivert; mostly I’m just Rachel, the Still-Adolescent Enigma, although I’m not nearly as insecure and one hundred percent more—if not happy, then joyful. Just a bit tired.

I can’t tell if I’m chasing something I don’t have yet, or if I’m discovering something that’s always been there. If twelve-year-old Rachel could see me now…but, well, I’m still twelve-year-old Rachel at heart. I think twelve will always be the age I am in my mind.

I’m a cross between tired and happy and uncomfortable and dreamy and I need to clean my room and shower and drink some coffee and sleep, so—

have a lovely spring. I will be back.


  1. I love these updates! I've just started my autumn break and it was so, so needed! XX

  2. I love how you wrote this! Spring break is a BLESSING . . . and I need another one, like, now.

    (also lucky you, getting actual spring break weather. I had a snow day right after spring break ended, like whAT)

  3. Congrats on enjoying... stuff! The weather's slowing improving here in Ireland but we only have this month left of school (I believe?) so yaaay.

    I hope you get to eat lots of delicious food.

  4. I've always wanted to go to LA haha. Loved this post!


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