happiness is a lot like french toast | fye #3

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Happiness is a lot like eating French toast. I’ve had it three times in the past four weeks (no joke), and nothing beats the feeling of cutting into the soft, warm bread with my fork, watching the syrup ooze into the whipped mascarpone topping, knowing that in just a few seconds, I get to roll the sweetness around on my tongue.

And for a few blissful minutes, it’s glorious. You pour syrup, spread mascarpone, swirl the strawberries around in the maple. The maple makes your fingers stick to your fork, and the cheese melts into the syrup a little, swirls of white in a caramel-colored pool that you get to scrape up with bites of golden-hued bread. But the more you eat, the more you realize how little is left, and that pure happiness gets tinted by just a little bit of sadness and fear. Because, as gloriously sweet as French toast is, the sweetness is tangible, and sooner or later that phase in your life, that eating of French toast, will pass.

The way I view happiness now is a lot different from how I viewed happiness when I was younger. When I was younger, I woke up each day assuming that it was going to be a good one. Except for a particularly bad Friday the thirteenth during which my mother forced us all to eat soy saucey veggie stir-fry for dinner, every day seemed fresh and bright. I didn’t really understand the concept of a “bad day,” because to eleven-year-old me, bad days didn’t really exist; I woke up, did whatever I had to do, played, ate, and slept. Life wasn’t complicated.

But sometime during high school, I figured out that some days just weren’t good days. Some weeks just weren’t good weeks; some months just weren’t good months. There was an expanse of time during junior year when I didn’t have a bite of French toast in months, and that was when I learned not to take happy for granted.

Happiness ebbs and flows; it comes in and retreats as it wishes, and while a lot of that has to do with one’s own mental state, a lot of it purely circumstantial. As much as we try, we’ll never be able to fully control our emotions; all we can do is keep the bad ones in check, and enjoy the good ones while they last.

My small group went out to brunch today, and I ordered an item called the OMG French Toast. It’s a sunshiny brioche that they cut into triangles, slather with mascarpone, top with caramel and vanilla sauce, and sprinkle with strawberry slices and powdered sugar.

It sounds more dessert than breakfast, but since I have a sweet tooth, I enjoyed it thoroughly; it was the perfect ending to a good week. I didn’t have a lot to do outside of school, so I read three books, worked on some projects, had an interview. My res hall’s playing a game called Assassins, so I’ve been looking over my shoulder for the past few days, paranoid in a slightly stressful--but very fun--way. I forced myself to get eight hours of sleep on Thursday night, and I drank a decent amount of coffee (oops), not really out of necessity, but because I like it.

Happiness isn’t a guarantee and life isn’t fair, but whether I get to eat it consistently or inconsistently, the fact that I’ve been able to eat French toast at all is a blessing. And ultimately, reminding myself of this truth is what I’m trying to do through this blog; I’m writing right now to preserve the memory of happiness for later, because the memory of happiness breeds hope, and hope is the best kind of syrup.


  1. THIS POST. It makes me really want french toast. The way you put something so tasty into words plus talk about happiness is amazing.
    Simply Me

  2. GAH YOUR WRITING!!!!! I love how you take something so simple and make it beautiful and chock-full of meaning. You rock, Rachel <3

  3. This is so delicious and lovely. :)) And I agree^^. GAH YOUR WRITING.

  4. soy saucy veggie stir fry sounds good, though?


  6. FIRST OF ALL: I need French toast, a vat of syrup, a mound of butter (there is never too much butter), a gallon of strawberries, and some whipped cream on top.

    SECOND OF ALL: I love how you made French toast like happiness. Great post! =D

    Micaiah @ Notebooks and Novels

  7. Happiness is totally French Toast. And add some chocolate and now you've got maximum happiness.

  8. You are SO WISE, and the way that you wrote this was wonderful. Forever proud of you.



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