Monday, December 25, 2017

Today is Christmas, which meant that although I fell asleep at around one a.m., I still woke up at eight. Even though I no longer jump out of bed at six to wake up my parents and beg them to let me open presents, my body still engineers itself to wake up earlier than normal. Because Christmas.

We didn’t have a standard Christmas dinner, because my dad had to work the night shift tonight, but we went to my grandparents’ houses and ate two mini-meals at each, and then came home and chilled. My brothers, after years of begging, finally received an xBox, so they played some basketball video game (NBA 2K? I don’t know these kinds of things), while I went upstairs and watched two and a half episodes of Scandal. Then I made myself go for a run, because a week’s worth of holiday feasting stops for no metabolism, and certainly not mine.

It’s been nice to be home. I thought that maybe I’d feel weird again, but the weirdness was only Thanksgiving break; because winter break is so long, I feel almost like college was just a dream, or maybe a vacation, and now I’m home to stay. I have almost two weeks left in my break with no work to do, so for the past few days I’ve just been vegetating: watching TV, eating, trying to read, and legitimately doing nothing. It’s been fun, but I’m trying to end it. It’s time to get up off my feet and start to do. Do what, though? I honestly have no idea.

I have no idea about a lot of things, and the fact that I don’t know these things sometimes makes me nervous. For example, what am I going to do with my life? That’s a legitimate question now that the government says I’m an adult. Or, what’s going to happen in 2018? Or, what’s going to happen in winter quarter? What am I doing with my life right now? The advent of every year revives the rounds of questions, and they’re hitting me now, as the holidaze starts to end and I try to reset--or, at least, reevaluate--my life. It’s enough to cause a person anxiety and much worry, and with each wave of questions, I have to remind myself to calm down.

I’m eighteen, a freshman in college, young, dumb, unsettled, but striving to be content in this stage of life, which is fun, but also--for me, at least, a chronic overthinker--merely a precursor to actual adulthood, which seems about as stable as Jello. It’s almost like I’m living in a video game, but not NBA 2K, more like those Mario ones--the kind where, once you master one stage of life, you instantly get blasted into the next one. Only, in real life, you can’t go back, and you don’t get multiple lives.

That’s been the line of thought running through my head these past few weeks, and it’ll continue to be do so in the upcoming months. But for now, it’s Christmas, and downstairs, we’ve got lots of unopened sweets that have yet to be eaten.

Because, you know, I just went for a run. It cancels out.


  1. Merry Christmas! I am glad that you are spending time resting and you are up to nothing. Rest while you can! Sounds like you had a lovely time.

  2. Merry Christmas!!! I think that God always has us in those parts of life --juggling this and that and we think that maybe we're not capable to handle it all. Here's the good news: God is behind us and with us and before us. He only gives us as much as we can handle, and then some, because He grows us slowly but surely and He has a plan. He has a plan for YOU, especially you and especially me and especially everyone else. *we're all His favorites lol*

  3. Merry Christmas!! It's been so reassuring to read your posts about college and be like omg wow same. You've got this, girl. You're already killing it and you're going to do even more epic things.

    1. Thank you so much, Sophia! Can't wait to see where you're going to go as well :)

  4. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Enjoy your break while you have it, and eat lots of food!

  5. I hope that you've had the best Christmas break, friend. <3


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