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Monday, November 20, 2017


I’m going home in two days, and I can’t wait.


I wouldn’t qualify myself as homesick, necessarily, but as Wednesday edges closer and closer, I’ve been thinking about it more and more. I miss waking up at nine a.m. and walking downstairs, plopping myself in front of a big tub of fruit and eating most of it while staring at the empty backyard shaded by the overcast sky. I miss driving, both the independence of it, but also the act of driving itself--sliding my key into the ignition, turning it, and feeling the car rumble to life under my feet. I miss driving to the library on odd afternoons, wandering up to the children’s section to check out the new arrivals, then heading back down to the YA section, then the classics section, then to the biographies/autobiographies.

I (kind of) miss going to the local Starbucks and seeing a bunch of people I recognize/know from high school. I miss spending my Friday nights in my bedroom, watching videos and writing and reading and planning and thinking and dreaming. I miss walking around in my bare feet, lying down on the carpet, and not having to do my own dishes.

I miss my family and our random conversations at family dinners, and the way they know me already. I miss my friends and our stupidly stupid midnight adventures that were just really stupid but also really fun at the same time. I miss fighting over our music and going to Costco and playing weird pranks and arguing about things.

I don’t miss the feeling of entrapment, the way I felt like my world was shrinking and shrinking, the way I wanted to do so many things but couldn’t. I don’t miss the way I couldn’t really create my own schedule because of the litany of other factors that I had to think through and consider. I don’t miss not having people to talk to when I wanted to talk to people, and I don’t miss having to talk to people when I didn’t want to talk to people.

On Wednesday, after my lit class ends at 1:50pm, I’ll race back to my dorm room, pick up my pre-packed carryon bag, and run out in front of Pepper Canyon Hall, where my dad’s car will be waiting for me. Home will be different, mostly because I don’t live there anymore, but I still call it home, and home it will be until I lodge my heart somewhere else.

10 comments

  1. <3333

    - Maddy | littlebitofsunshineweb.blogspot.com

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  2. As someone who is about to leave home, (well, in december/february depending on whether home = family or a place) this is really interesting to read! I've moved around a lot, especially when I was younger, and I don't know how much a new/old country and a new town is going to feel like home.
    PS I really like your blogs and such they're really fun to watch it's the best.

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  3. I hope you have a great time at home! It will sure be nice to be there! And you're right, home is still home.

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  4. THIS. <3333333333333 I'm tearing up. Have a lovely time, dear!

    xx Kenzie

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  5. This is so sweet and I think a perfect way to capture what home means. :)

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  6. Wow yes.
    Costco!!! We have one of those up here in the mountains! Where is your 'home' located??

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    1. Whoops, that sounded creepy like I'm stalking you or something. xD But we just have the asme store in CO and I was wondering what state you lived in. xP Sorry <3

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  7. this is so lovely :') i hope you have lots of fun <3

    ~ noor

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  8. i love the way you describe everyday things & memories

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  9. This is filled with so much reality and nostalgia and I love it. Your words paint pictures, and I will forever love your writing. <3

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