Wednesday, January 18, 2017

If you have interacted with me personally via social media for the past month or so, you’ll know that stress has slowly but surely infiltrating my system. Eighty percent of this stress is due to college applications, and twenty is due to the fact that finals are coming up next week.

The thing is, I’m DONE with college applications. I turned my last one in on December thirtieth (I think?). It was the Common App, to Harvard and Stanford. And then the freakout began.

Most of it is me just stressing out. I didn’t get a “college counselor,” mostly due to the fact that it costs a LOT of money, so it was just my dad and I filling out college apps, and I thought we were doing great until we submitted it and I started flipping out because, well, what if we didn’t do it well enough?

This stress was furthered by the news that I did not receive any of the Presidential Leadership Scholarships from Wheaton College. I got the letter in the mail yesterday, read it through, slowly, and let the news sink in. I still have some money that I’m getting, to go towards the tuition, but it’s still very much a large sum of money to pay for, and plus it’s in a different state, and…

*calms down*

(Yesterday, I wrote a thousand-word essay on why I was so stressed. I don’t want to do a repeat of that.)

Anyway. Most of the major college decisions come out in mid- to late March, which is still two months away, and I’m internally freaking because THOSE TWO MONTHS ARE GOING TO DRAG ON and I just really want to know now. (Patience has never been my strong suit.) And plus, now that I’ve started watching COLLEGE VIDEOS (did you know they have those??) on YouTube, of people who got into select colleges, I’m wondering if my college apps were as polished as theirs were?? Should I have approached my apps differently?? ?? Should I have begged my parents to pay almost a thousand dollars to get someone to go through my applications with me???? ??

But it’s too late now, I’ve recently been realizing. And as much as I’d love to go to a good school, ALL of the colleges I applied to are very good, very respectable schools, and I know that I will have a great experience wherever I go as long as I make the best of it.

And this waiting period? It’s a good time to reflect, think back on my high school career, and keep things in perspective. The school year is nearly halfway over. Second semester--ESPECIALLY after May, and all my AP tests are done--is going to be a breeze. I won’t have sixth period anymore, so I’ll have extra time to do things.

And I’m determined to not let these next few months get the best of me or define me. Do I want to go to UCLA? Absolutely. Is it the end of the world if I don’t get into UCLA? Not at all. Will March be a month of tears? Yes, it will. Will they be happy or sad tears? Probably both, but the underlying truth is that no matter where I get into, A) I’ll end up where God wants me to be, B) the college I get into does not even come close to fully defining me as a person, C) I’ll still be the same person, even after I get accepted or rejected, and D) this year will be one of the most life-changing and probably one of the best years of my life.

Because I’ll have more free time, I’ll have more time to read my Bible, exercise, write, blog, and work on personal projects. I’ve always had a bunch of really, really huge ideas bouncing around in my head, and now is the time to develop them and figure out ways to make them happen. So that’s what I’ll be doing, instead of sitting around, watching college videos, trying to convince myself that I actually have a shot at the schools I want to get into, because WHO EVEN REALLY KNOWS?

Only Jesus does, and unless He’s gonna send an angel down to tell me which schools I got into, I won’t know until the time is right. So I’ll wait.

(But like honestly. How INSANE is it to think that I’m going to college? REALLY. FREAKING. INSANE.)



  1. College applications were definitely stressful. But I'm just gonna throw out there that I think you were right not to get a college counselor. That should NOT be necessary.

    Also, I'm just gonna let you know that college with still be stressful, regardless of what school you get into. However, you've got the right attitude. Trusting that God has a perfect plan for you will save you a lot of heartache. :) Wishing you the best!

  2. I hope I get into college, too! I didn't make it in 2016 but hopefully I can manage this year! :)

  3. Praying for you!! I know that's super stressful, but GOD'S GOT THIS! Can't wait to see where He takes you:)

  4. Aw I know what it feels like to miss out on a scholarship you had hopes pinned on, especially for financial support. It's really crushing, and it throws you way out. I'm not going to the university I wanted to, and I'm borrowing a ton of money, but I'm determined to make the best of it, which is what life it about!

    I'm so excited to see where you go, and I look forward to hearing all about your college experiences. Defiantly take the time you have to relax and work on the things you want to work on :)

  5. I hope all goes well for you! It sounds stressful, but it's all in God's hands. He's got you :)

    Though, it does sound super exciting!


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