FARMERS' MARKET VIBES

Monday, May 30, 2016




THINK:

GLORIOUS GARLICKY DIP W PITA BREAD

AVOCADOS LINED UP ON A TRAY

FRESH PRODUCE

BEADS

ELEPHANTS

+ a sad-looking pony calmly eating hay





i'm not a super farmers-markety kind of person, but it was interesting. (+ the food was good, if expensive. THE GARLIC SPREAD WAS TO DIEEEE FOR.)

SCHOOL IS ALMOST OUT AND I CAN TASTE IT!! (2.5 weeks left...let's gooooo)


TEAM PANCAKE VS TEAM WAFFLE | A TAG

Thursday, May 26, 2016

OR

(the tag, the battle, the war)

Recently, there was a bit of a Twitter fight.
Well, actually, it wasn’t a Twitter fight exactly...more like a Twitter war.
Or it will be a war, after this post is done. But don’t worry. It’ll be a good-natured war.



I’m Team Pancake, obviously. I think they’re a lot better than waffles. Even though waffles are good when you make them right (*coughcough* Bruxie), pancakes are 1) much easier to make than waffles are, and 2) chocolate chips taste better in pancakes than they do in waffles. Plus, pancakes are smoother, and therefore much easier to spread condiments on. (Also...SYRUP TASTES BETTER ON PANCAKES!)
And so...I’m making this a thing.
THIS IS A TAG.

Here are the rules:
  1. Thank/link the person who tagged you. (b/c it's always great to be polite)
  2. Answer the questions.
  3. Tag 5 people. (b/c we want to spread the happiness!)
  4. Include your favorite waffle/pancake recipe! (optional!)

I’m including some social media images and things that you can put on your Instagram/Twitter accounts, as well as headers that you could possibly use (or you can make your own)!

Without further ado, here are the questions!

  1. Describe your ideal pancake/waffle in three words.
  2. If you could eat pancakes/waffles with anyone in the world, living or dead, fictional or real, who would you want to eat with?
  3. Top three condiments to put on your pancakes/waffles?
  4. Describe why you think why pancakes/waffles are better than the other option.
  5. If you could make your pancakes/waffles into any shape or size, how would you make them?

Here are my responses!
  1. Describe your ideal pancake in three words. Light, fluffy, yummy
  2. If you could eat pancakes with anyone in the world, living or dead, fictional or real, who would you want to eat with? ANNE OF GREEN GABLES! I think she’d like pancakes better than waffles.
  3. Top three condiments to put on your pancakes/waffles? Trader Joe’s syrup! Chocolate chips (inside the pancake)! Peanut butter!
  4. Describe why you think why pancakes/waffles are better than the other option. Pancakes are smooth. Pancakes are easier to make. Pancakes taste better with syrup. With pancakes, you can make different shapes. With pancakes, the chocolate chips are juicier and bigger and more dispersed. The chocolate chip part is key.
  5. If you could make your pancakes/waffles into any shape or size, how would you make them? I’d make it into like a book--like square shapes stacked onto one another! And then I’d pipe chocolate chip letters onto it!

If I'm honest...I don't really have a recipe for pancakes. We usually just, um, use the mix because it's easier. I think I've had pancakes from scratch only once. BUT PANCAKES STILL TASTE BETTER.

I TAG -
+
EVERYONE ELSE WHO PARTICIPATED IN THE DISCUSSION!

I know there are a lot of other people who participated in the discussion on Instagram, so you can either wait for someone else to tag you (I wanted it to spread out), OR just do it!

(The Instagram discussion was legendary as well. You can view it on my Instagram, in the comments section of the picture of the pancake. Because it actually was legendary.)


SO WHAT ARE YOU?? Are you #TeamPancake or #TeamWaffle?







HOW TO CURATE A PLAYLIST

Wednesday, May 25, 2016


Not to be braggy or anything (yes, I know "braggy" isn't a word), but I'm the queen of making playlists. Not because I'm necessarily good at it (and, in case you're wondering, yes, there is an art to making playlists), but because I make so many of them and then delete them. I've made a "Bad Music" playlist (so I could listen to the music and revel in its bad-ness...yup, that one got deleted), two summer playlists, a favorites playlist, my Brick-a-Brack playlist, a pump-up playlist, a collaborative playlist...and a bunch of others. 

So yeah. I am the queen of making playlists.

So, even though half the people I know would probably advise you not to read this post, I'm being a rebel and writing it anyway. 

Here's How To Curate A Playlist, from the QUEEN (just in case you didn't understand the first three times I said it) of making playlists herself.

1. FIGURE OUT A THEME.

Your theme can be anything. You can have a Summer theme (with a bunch of summer sub-themes, like Summer EDM, Summer Party Times, Summer Nights, Summer Netflix & Hot--get that one? Instead of Netflix & Chill, you do Netflix & Hot, because summer's hot--okay, fine. I'm not funny. And yes, I'm including too many parentheses in this blog post. Carry on. But wait...this Olaf gif first.)


My Brick-a-Brack playlist was on Chicago and how it made me feel. You can have a simple Favorites playlist. You could do a workout one. A motivational one. You honestly could do anything. Here are some of my personal favorite themes that I'm coming up with off the top of my head right here:

1. TORI KELLY
a playlist that involves tori kelly everything

2. WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO KEEP YOUR MIND OFF EATING FOOD
when you're hungry but you're trying to lose weight or some other teenage mumbo-jumbo and so you want to listen to tunes that fulfill you as a human bean and can sorta convince you that you're not hungry

3. CHOCOLATE CAKE
when you fail at trying to lose weight so you need some tunes to keep your mind off the fact that you're indulging in the chocolate cake that your grandma just brought over from her house...decadent, stomach-sickening, ganache-frosted, chocolate-sprinkled chocolate cake, with an frosty ice-cold glass of milk fresh from the cow in your refrigerator. 

4. TORI KELLY 
a playlist that involves tori kelly everything

5. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE
a playlist for when you feel like being a rebel but you literally have nothing to rebel against 

If one of those inspires you, go for it, man.

2. FIGURE OUT THE SONGS

Chances are, you like to listen to a certain kind of music: your music. When people ask you what you listen to, you probably get all growly and say, "I listen to whatever sounds good to me, and whatever genres I like, and I'm not defined by the genres society pins on me!"


(at least, that's what it's like for me. i've had people insult my music taste so...)

I firmly believe that, like everyone's personalities are different, everyone's music tastes are different.
So I'm not going to tell you what to listen to, but I'm going to tell you that in order to make a playlist, you gotta figure out the songs you're gonna include that correspond with your theme. Maybe your Rebel Without a Cause playlist evokes strong feelings of Taylor Swift, twenty one pilots, and tobyMac! Or maybe you include Meghan Trainor because you like that bass (I always thought it was ironic that her songs literally have no actual bass)! Or maybe you go really grunge indie or something or other and...I don't know any grunge indie bands, so I can't really help you there. 

But choose what sounds best for you and your theme. You, after all, are going to be the one to listen to the music.

3. FIGURE OUT THE ORDER OF THE SONGS

This only matters if you're a Listen-All-The-Way-Through kind of person. If you're a Shuffle kind of person, it actually doesn't matter.

But because I'm a very strong Listen-All-The-Way-Through kind of person (it irritates me when the song orders in people's albums are all jacked up and not flowy at all), I'm including this step because it is essential. See, I have a short attention span. If something isn't interesting me, I usually switch songs or playlists. In order to make your playlist enticing, you have to make yourself to actually want to listen to it. That's why Order Matters. Order Is Essential. Order Is Of Utmost Importance.

(Now I just sound like a message from one of those Mysterious Benedict Society messages...s/o to all the homies who have read that series, lol. One of my favorites, actually, come to think of it.)

But seriously. Order Matters.

It's best to start off with a punchy first song, the kind of song that always gets you and makes you want to listen to it. Then, with the second song, maintain the momentum, but shift it downward a little. The third song should be significantly more toned down than the first song, but still good enough to keep you going.

Like this:




See? "Beat of My Drum" has that really vibey, poppy feel that hooks you right from the beginning. "Outta State" has a great intro that turns it down a little bit, and even though "The Saints" is still pretty upbeat, it's different from the other songs and represents a more methodic, lengthy shift in the playlist.

 I got this. I got you. You have learned much, young one.

(p.s. if you don't have a summer playlist, i have TWO. this is my summer edm pop rap playlist, and--i like this one better--my summer vibes playlist. it makes me feel like

)


4. LISTEN TO IT

I mean, it's a playlist. You're going to have to listen to it sometime.

what are your favorite kinds of music to listen to? anyone i should check out? i firmly recommend Phoebe Ryan, B├śRNS, and Jon Bellion. and yes, for anyone who's known me for any amount of time, my music taste has changed a bit.

finding joy

Monday, May 23, 2016



"for he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart" - ecclesiastes 5:20

"and i commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and to drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun" - ecclesiastes 8:15

"go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do" - ecclesiastes 9:7

--

my life has been devoid of joy lately. or rather, i haven't noticed it. or been seeking it out. or remembered to stay thankful. i've had my head stuck in a cloud of gray, without trying to look for the silver lining.

but there is joy in everything.

and i am determined to maintain it, and to find joy + peace in Jesus even though my life may be stereotypically First World "hard."

i will find joy even if i am not the place where i want to be in life. ideally, right now, i'd be a product of worldly success. i'd be famous. or something. but right here is where God wants me to be, so right here i'll stay. + i'll find joy in fulfilling His role for me in life.

i will find joy even if school ends in a month. yup, you heard that. a month. while many people are clinking glasses and toasting their summers, i, rachel alison, will be stuck in a classroom until june 16th. but that's okay. i've got more time to get my grades up. i've got more time to serve my classmates and find peace in the rest of this turbulent year.

i will find joy even if my plans for this blog have utterly petered out. i cannot commit to anything. my creative philosophy seems to have been in vain. but i will keep writing and posting different things until i hit my stride. every blog has its growing period. ideology does not match reality all the time. i will find joy in being able to interact with everyone over the internet + my ability to meet people outside of my own physical life. i firmly believe that, if you are reading this, God has put you here. and that's cool. that's bomb.

i will find joy even if i may feel like an anomaly in the world. sometimes people want to be different, anomalical (i don't think that's a word, but we're rolling with it). and every time i feel like being an outcast is too much for me to handle, i will listen to lecrae's album and know that i am not alone.

i will find joy even if i face an uncertain future. where will i go to college? will my grades be enough? what if i change life paths? i will not worry, but i will rest in the knowledge that God will place me where i am meant to go.

--

these songs are great.



join me as i find joy + pursue sanctification in these upcoming months.

(and wow, that's a WHOLE LOT OF LOWER CASE. IT WAS STARTING TO GET REALLY SUPERFICIALLY TUMBLR THERE.)

MY AESTHETIC

Saturday, May 21, 2016

my aesthetic is


cosmic bowling, complete with cheap pizza, light-up leis, and gutter balls (that's not me in the picture)


the initials of my alter ego, written on a dirty whiteboard. i'm going to write her story soon.


a piece of coral i snagged from hawaii that traveled in a gray suitcase. Bible in the background, along with schumann.


ecclesiastical wisdom.


a bright red keepsake from a city i haven't been to.


the view from one of my windows.


when i played the piano, schumann was my favorite composer.

--

i had the sudden urge for photography (maybe it was my visit to abbiee's blog that did it?), so hence, this post was born.

what is your aesthetic? describe it in three words.

HOW TO MAKE PINOLILLO

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

WELCOME TO PART ONE OF MY "HOW TO" SERIES!



Basically, I'll be making five one-minute quirky tutorial videos and sharing the process on my blog with you!

Today's post is How to Make Pinolillo!


If you think the topic's a little strange, let me just put it in context. Recently, my Spanish teacher assigned a Spanish-speaking country project (I'm pretty sure you know where this is headed), and part of the project was that we had to either make or buy food from "our" country.

My country was Nicaragua, and the easiest food to make was pinolillo, which is this cornmeal drink that the residents make. It's kind of like a cheaper version of coffee, but with cocoa powder in it.


The video was SO much fun to make, particularly because this was a different kind of recipe and because I got a new phone recently (a Nexus), which has higher quality than my old one! I used a white posterboard for a flatlay (my kitchen counter isn't actually white), and did the whole procedure on top of it.

The drink itself is actually super easy to make. I used this recipe, and the only ingredient that's slightly out of the ordinary is white cornmeal. I just toasted the cornmeal, dumped it into a blender with milk, water, cocoa powder, sugar, and cinnamon, and blended everything together.

(It looked really good, but it didn't taste very good. I had to add like double the amount of sugar, and then I had to put ice into it to make it taste semi-decent, but I blame these sugar-addicted taste buds for my disliking. If you watch the part of the video when I first taste it, you'll notice that the expression on my face is less than stellar, haha.)

The whole process of shooting and editing the video (not to mention the number of cords and tripods and technology that I had to bring downstairs to the kitchen) took maybe two to three hours, and I did it entirely by myself. (My parents and younger sister were out, and my brothers only commented on the fact that the kitchen smelled like popcorn after I cooked the cornmeal.) I didn't think to make a Behind-the-Scenes video or take extra pictures, but I'll try to make one for my next tutorial! 

I'm actually super proud of how the video turned out. It matches the aesthetic I was going for, the music was fun, and the quality is a lot better than some of the other stuff I've done. And trying the food was awesome as well! I love trying new kinds of food from different countries, and this video gave me the chance to expand my comfort zone and try something new (even if I didn't like it very much).

what's the weirdest food you've ever had? favorite recipe? spill all your cooking secrets below!







I AUDITIONED FOR HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 4!

Sunday, May 15, 2016

So. First order of beeswax (aka business):

THERE WAS A TIE.

On the survey in my last post, the top two options seemed to be "Meet ______" and the "How to: ..." video series. I got 22 votes. Although there was a fairly even distribution, "Meet" and "How" TIED.

Freaking TIED.

I kept waiting for an extra person to make the number of votes odd so that there would be a clear-cut winner, but it was pretty close, tbh. So I've just decided that I'm going to do both (obviously, and I'll get around to doing the other options), but I'll be doing the "How to: ..." series first because I've been on a video kick since Digital, and I'd really love to keep it up.

Now...for the reason why you clicked on this post.

Yes, I did audition for High School Musical 4. 

Yes, it was kind of insane.

Where do I start?

---

I've always had a hankering for acting and singing and dancing, but I've always kind of suppressed it because I just didn't feel like it...fit me. I'm the shy type. I hate talking to people (but a lot of that is out of laziness). I don't like being social. But I absolutely love that kind of stuff. I love the fact that actors are real people, but they also play different characters. I love the stories. I love the way that people can twist their words to mean one thing or another, how two different people can interpret the character two different ways, and neither of them are wrong. I love how people personify characters on the screen, literally "bringing them to life" (to quote the common cliche).

It's always been a dream of mine to perform something of some sort. Go on some sort of tour. Sing or talk or something. I never thought I was a great enough singer or an actor or a dancer (because I haven't ever trained in at a performing center thing), and I never had time to train anywhere (and I was too shy to ask my parents). Plus, I had my writing.

But...Disney Channel hosts a live audition open casting call once every year, to which thousands of prospective actors, singers, and dancers flock for their chance at the big screen. It's a huge orchestration. It's actually kind of crazy.

And this year, it was held pretty close to where I live, at the Anaheim Convention Center (which is extremely close to Disneyland. I swear they held it near Disneyland just so that all the people who were coming from out of town would stay at the Disney resort and go to Disneyland and blow all their money on stuff at Downtown Disney).

I found out about the casting call on Friday night, when I was casually scrolling through my phone. I noticed that it was near my house and on Sunday, and I asked my mom if I could go.

She said that if I really wanted to, I could.

So I did.

Sunday morning rolled around. I woke up at around five in the morning, because I had a super-strong feeling that it was going to be packed if I got there late. (I was right.)

The entire experience was freaking surreal and insane. I was going to get a chance to audition. In front of the people who cast shows like Girl Meets World and Good Luck Charlie. For a shot.

WHAT IS LIFE?

When we got there, my mom and I parked, and while we were trying to find our way to the Convention Center, we met a girl named Maggie, and we started talking. (We ended up sticking with her through the entire process.) Once we got into the first line, we started talking to these other people, and eventually, thanks to my mom's prodding, I ended up with like four new friends.

We went through a security check, waited in yet another line, then got wristbands and went upstairs to wait in another line for registration, then sat down in the ballroom, waited some more, went to a different ballroom, waited some more, waited some more, and then went in with the casting director.

(My mom and I got there around 6:30, and we left at around 11. 5 hours. For a ten-minute audition.)

I was with a group of nine other people, all of us hopefuls. There was a casting director at the table. He was super nice, but I had a general sense that the face he put on was kind of a mask, a facade. Call me cynical or not, but every time his eyes landed on us, I got this feeling that he didn't think we were really star material. Like, he was trying really hard to keep an open mind, but he was looking for something genuinely special. Or maybe he wasn't looking for anything at all. Maybe it was just a publicity stunt (because that's what the video submission thing is, according to random people on Yahoo Answers).

We went down the row, with each of us stepping forward, giving him our resumes (mine had literally nothing on it), and performing the monologue.

I was the fourth person to go, I think. I think I was nervous, but I didn't realize I was nervous until I felt myself shaking. I performed the monologue. The entire audition was a blur, but I had a vague sensation of me thinking that it was how I had practiced it, and that I hadn't goofed up in any huge way, except maybe using the paper more than I wanted to (but there was no way I could've performed that without the paper, because I was that nervous).

Afterwards, I stepped back. The director guy said something about how I "got through it" and that "I looked nervous." I was happy that he didn't say anything super banal, but looking back, I must have looked really nervous.

And the people around me seemed to have liked it. The guy to my right told me good job, and we'd never talked to each other before (but then, he could have been saying that to me just to be nice), and my new friends told me I did a good job (and they seemed really surprised, all things considered, because, after all, it was my first audition ever and it was in front of a Disney guy).

I'm actually very happy. I went to church and then home and binge-watched a YouTube playlist of High School Musical music numbers, and then I cleaned my bathroom while dancing to my favorite ones, and then I danced some more. I actually did more dancing than cleaning.

WOO HOO! I AUDITIONED FOR HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 4!

I don't want to expect a callback. It'd be cool to get one, of course, but I'm not going to expect it. Instead, I'm just going to wait until the movie comes out and watch it and laugh about my experiences with my family and tell my friends about the time I auditioned for High School Musical 4. Because, for me, it's not about getting the part. It's about taking a chance, and enjoying the plunge.

And besides, it was fun.




things i love

Thursday, May 12, 2016

here is

an entire post

dedicated to 

things i love.

it may be cheesy,

but i love them,

and that's all that matters.

1. the anne of green gables series

i want to find my own gilbert blythe someday.

even if his name isn't gilbert, i'm still going to

call him gil.

we'll go for walks through hester gray's garden

and name roads for their characteristics, not convention

and we'll visit prince edward island for our honeymoon (if he's down)

even though it's probably super touristy.

2. jon bellion's music

it's super chill

and i saw a video of him making his music

and it was brilliant. that was what made me appreciate it

plus, he was featured on an andy mineo song

so if andy mineo likes him, i should too

i like "guillotine," and "munny right," and "ooh" (and "woodstock")

3. anticipation of summer

my love for summer is mostly bred out of

anticipation for no school (and no SAT class this summer, thank God)

and freedom

(and sleep)

but not hot, sticky days

or flies

but maybe lemonade and watermelon

and that perpetual chlorine scent

also, i'm going to czech republic & london! (czech is for a missions trip, london for vacation)

4.  the boys in the boat

a nonfiction narrative book about

american olympic rowers in 1936

the best rowing team in the world

who rowed under hitler's nose

(and one of them was jewish)

it's a good book; go read it

5. spotify premium

so much music

so many playlists

my own account, so i can start over and add songs that i actually like

things i have discovered:

1. i cannot stand meghan trainor (her new song "me too" is self-absorbed & utterly uncreative & uninspiring)

2. tori kelly will never, ever grow old

3. indie pop is my jam

6. captain america

haven't seen civil war, but i'm going to

symbolizes hope & courage & loyalty

i have a captain america onesie

(i hope it still fits me)

i might wear it when i go see it

(unless it's too hot)

plus, chris evans is attractive

7. compliments

someone told me i had beautiful eyes

i tell that to myself every day when i look in the mirror

because sometimes i think they're too small

another person told me i had a smile like sunshine

+ the wisdom of an old soul

thank you. i needed that.

8. friends

who care about me, even though i thought they didn't

turns out, i just needed to let them know

that i wasn't doing okay

and they were there

9. family

ever since my mental breakdown,

my dad has been telling me that i'm beautiful every time he sees me

i'm not used to the affection but i like it

thank you, dad

10. YOU

even though

our internet squad is small

i freaking love it

you're all amazing

and incredible

thank you for reading this, and my sometimes-unendingly-boring posts


one that was bubbly and excited about life and happy,

because i think i've changed,

but i'm trying to figure out who i was

and who i am now

and who i want to be

+ you're helping me every step of the way

with every comment.

thank YOU.



WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT? (YOU VOTE!)

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

You know what I've realized lately?

I haven't been super excited lately. The zest has gone out of life somehow. My spiciness has become way too chill with overconsumption of Kirkland Signature Fat-Free Milk and vanilla ice cream. (Although I've been trying to cut back on my dairy...but Brie cheese is really good. Like, really good. You should try it. And don't get the low-fat kind. Low-fat stinks.)

Anyway, today, we're bringing the spice back.

I'm going to let YOU decide what I'm doing next. See, I want to start doing more projects. More series. More fun, funky, innovative stuff. I have a lot of ideas (and I'm sure you do too). I just don't know what to do first.

I'll be giving you options for these projects, and you'll be giving me answers. And as I do each project, I'll be walking you through, step-by-step, as I complete them. I'll do Behind-the-Scenes posts. I'll ask you for your input. And you can even do them along with me! 

I'm trying out new things, and this is my way of saying that I want to better myself and this blog. (And thank you for all your lovely responses on my survey; they were SO helpful!)

These ideas will be completely random, just warning you. AND there's an option for you to fill in what you think I should do! So vote away!


DIGITAL

Monday, May 9, 2016



Sometimes I feel like the quality of art, particularly writing, has gone down in the past years. The quantity of it has increased, definitely, but the definition of art itself has widened with the introduction of technology and social media. We can share more, so we do. 

But sometimes the stuff we self-publish and share now has made it harder for someone to find good content. It requires quite a bit of digging for one to find a good photographer who just doesn't take VSCO-edited photos of social media stars, to find a writer who's not just spouting off baloney on the Internet via blog form (aka me), to find an actual filmmaker instead of just a bunch of attractive wannabe kids on YouTube. 

Is all of the content that goes up on the Internet actually art? Should it be considered art? Or are we just a bunch of fame-obsessed teenagers who worship imitations of the real thing? Are we legitimized because we publish our stuff online? Are we legitimized because we somehow gain a following on the Internet? Are we legitimized because we try to create content, and the fact that we try is all that matters?

Bigger does not necessarily mean better, just like smaller does not necessarily mean better. 

Just because you create content doesn't mean you're creative.

Just because you have a fancy camera and know how to use it doesn't mean you're introducing something new to the game.

Just because you post a couple of high-quality selfies on Instagram doesn't mean it's "art."

My struggle is that I'm always striving to create something that I'd be proud of and that reflects my own creativity, and in the past couple of months, I feel like I haven't really done anything noteworthy that I'm really, truly proud of. 

So I'm going to take my time. I'm going to write things that I want to write, film and edit videos that I want to film and edit, and if I'm not satisfied with the final project, I'll scrap it instead of publishing it. I'd rather take my time to make something good than rush making something bad. 

This video, "Digital," was filmed and edited in one and a half hours. Even though my phone camera quality is terrible and I probably won't get a decent filming camera for a long time, I'm proud of the editing and I'm happy with the way it looks.

This is just the beginning. 

I CAN'T GET CHICAGO OUT OF MY HEAD | artsitic

Sunday, May 8, 2016









some are edited, some are not.

I CAN'T GET CHICAGO OUT OF MY HEAD | i am not okay

Wednesday, May 4, 2016



*insert typical picmonkey artwork made when rachel was supposed to be studying*


my life doesn't match.

sometimes i feel like upper case letters; other times, i feel like lower case letters. sometimes i see people who are perfectly consistent with everything that they do and make, and then i look myself straight in the eye (if you're wondering how that's possible, walk over to the nearest mirror) and tell myself, you need to pick, choose, and curate.

it bothers me that i don't match. it bothers me that i can't decide which style of music i like best: i like the happy feelings that pop gives me, but edm makes me want to bounce up and down on a trampoline with strobe lights embedded in the bottom, but rock makes me feel super cool and underground-swag-esque, but hip-hop makes me feel like i'm part of the legithood (yes, that's a word) crowd. alternative is just plain weird. i'm not a huge fan of alternative music in general, but sometimes i listen to it because it seems like that's all people listen to nowadays.

i'm not okay because i changed and now i don't know who i am, so now i need to get to know myself again. i'm not okay because my feelings are suddenly different. 

i am not okay.

i am not okay.

i am not okay.

i have a head full of ideas, and the drive to make them a reality, but sometimes i feel alone, inadequate, incapable, and unworthy. when i take on projects, i'm wont to do them by myself, simply because i've learned that the people i meet and share my ideas with aren't as passionate or available as i am, even if they do have good intentions.

and it hurts.

but chicago is where i realized that i wasn't okay. it was where i stayed up until 2 a.m. doing an apush review sheet in the hotel bathroom, where I passed the time by recording videos that i didn't want to edit and trying to listen to music but not really listening to it and trying to spend time with my family but not really being present with them. 

with that being said, i have made resolutions.

1. share more of myself on this blog, because i feel like thus far, silver mess has been devoid of the personality that people seem to like,

2. consciously attempt to get better at what i do,

3. be okay with the ambiguity of "what i do,"

4. inspire people through what i create, because i've only just realized that people are inspired most by other people's works of art, not by pep talks or worksheets.

thank you, and now i must go back to studying for my ap tests. 


p.s. if you haven't already, please take my survey! i've already gotten a lot of feedback (thank you so much for that), but i want to hear more of your thoughts!


I CAN'T GET CHICAGO OUT OF MY HEAD | Brick-a-Brack

Tuesday, May 3, 2016



The brick!! The glass!! The revolving doors!! The skyline!!
I tried writing this. I tried sitting down and writing exactly about how Chicago made me feel. But I couldn’t. It was awkward. It’s hard describing something that you’ve seen but your readers haven’t. Writers always say to show, not tell; it’s hard to tell people how you felt about something.
I had an amazing time in Chicago. I can show you all the pictures I want and record all the fairly-bad-vlogs I want and tell you what it’s like, but I feel like it wouldn't fully capture what I felt while I was there.
So instead, I’m doing what I’m calling a “Play-by-Playlist.” Instead of telling you how Chicago was, I made a playlist of songs to listen and think through. I’m going to explain why I chose each song, but ultimately it’s up to you to listen to it (in the right order, because there’s a rhyme and reason to my song placement) and try to feel what I felt like when I was walking through the city with my family.

TAKE MY SURVEY!

Monday, May 2, 2016

Hey everyone!

It's been FOUR MONTHS since I've started Silver Mess...and already it's been a wild ride. I'm still not quite sure where I'm at, content-wise, and I want to thank you all for bearing with me as I try to figure out what kind of stuff I want to showcase on my blog (entertainment? creative philosophy? etc., etc.), but to help me narrow my focus, I've developed a survey for you to take! 

If you can spare a couple of moments, please please please do so! It would help me immensely :)






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