Tuesday, March 22, 2016

I’m pretty sure people think I’m weird.

I know they do. I have a blog. I like to read. (I thought everyone liked to read until I came to public high school.) I have a YouTube channel. It’s weird at my high school to be like that.
And sometimes it’s kind of hard to maintain an easy confidence in what I write and edit and photograph and film. Sometimes my peers approach me with not-easy-to-read smiles on their faces and attempt to talk to me about my blog and YouTube channel. A lot of times I’m defensive. For me, this is something I like to do personally, without anyone else from my real life commenting on it.

But the truth is, this is a part of me. It’s not the part of me I show at school. This part of me spends hours on Spotify or Google Play Music, reads screenwriting/writing books, tries to figure out what she wants to do with her life. This part of me paints T-shirts and writes songs and poetry and skim-reads entire books in two hours. This part of me stays up until 3 am or 12 am just to listen to new music or read new books.

It’s hard for me to show this part of me outside of the Internet, because I always feel like people don’t get it, don’t get why I do this, don’t get me. And if they do understand that I’m trying to make something, they’ll parallel it with whomever professional person they hold up on a pedestal.

I’m not a good filmmaker. I’m not a good artist. I’m still learning. Half the stuff I write is absolute garbage. But with everything I make, I’m practicing for when it matters. My weirdness will someday take the world, and it’s one of the major keys to what makes my personality stand out from other people’s.

So stay weird. Stay the ditzy, classy, frank, bright, sober, beautiful, clear-eyed, creative person that you are. It’s part of who you are.

Don’t hide it.

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