Friday, February 12, 2016

I’m not a great gift-giver. In the past years, I’ve left all my birthday/Christmas shopping to the night before, and I used to get stuff from the Target dollar section because I’m cheap and I don’t like spending money. I’m also not a great scientist, judging from my current grade in AP Bio.

But I, however, have decided to give you advice on the science of gift-giving, mostly because I was thinking about what to write and I was like, HEY, TRYING TO GIVE A GIFT IS A LOT LIKE THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD!

And it actually is. You’d be surprised. It’ll blow your mind. And I’m not quite sure if this is the exact scientific method, but it’s pretty close to it, so just deal with me, yes?

She’s my friend, and now she’s yours! She’s volunteered to be a test subject for this very, very scientific experiment (because it involves her getting free stuff), and we’re going to figure out how to get her a gift.

You and I have known Bertha for about a year and a half. We’ve had conversations about things like food, music, movies, TV, and books. Throughout that year and a half, we’ve gotten to know each other fairly well. We’ve picked up on some nuances of each other’s personalities, have some inside jokes, and have gotten to know Bertha’s little quirks. We know her obsessions, what she hates, and what she’s kind of eh about. We’ve observed.

Now that we know what Bertha likes, we’re going to do a little research. We know that she likes Doctor Who, but unfortunately for us, we don’t know anything about Doctor Who! So we’re going to Google stuff on it. Wikipedia things. All that jazz. So we know at least the basics of Doctor Who, and what being a Whovian might entail. We’re also asking her questions. What season of Doctor Who was her favorite? Who was her favorite Doctor? We don’t quite know what we’re getting her yet, but any information is nice.
Also, connections are always a good thing to have. We were first acquainted with Bertha through her cousin’s nephew’s aunt’s friend, so we’re going to play a little game of Telephone and hope that none of the message gets snarled up. What kind of gift does Bertha want?

We know that Bertha likes Doctor Who. The whole Telephone game didn’t pan out, because her cousin messed everything up, but then a bit of information comes to your mind--Bertha just moved! She doesn’t have any decorations or wall coverings, because everything was destroyed in a fire.

Voila! Bertha needs a Doctor Who poster!

Because Bertha likes Doctor Who…
And because Bertha’s belongings were destroyed in a fire and she doesn’t have any decorations for her new apartment…
And because her favorite Doctor Who season was the one with David Tennant in it…
She would probably like a David Tennant Doctor Who poster for her new apartment!

Bertha loves the poster!
She’s already hanging it up on her wall and thanking us both profusely. “Now it finally feels like home!” she sobs into her handkerchief.
“You’re welcome!” both of us say, trying not to get snot on our shirts, but smiling all the more.
“You’re the bestest friends in the entire world!” Bertha says, smiling and sniffling. “How did you come up with the idea?”
And then you look at me, and then you say, “Oh, Rachel’s a genius.”

Just kidding. I’m not a genius. This is basically common sense.
But seriously. Now that you’ve gotten her a thing that she’ll like, you have even more stuff to choose from. There are so many different sides to a person that can be formed as the basis for gift-giving that there are an almost infinite number of gifts you can give to someone you know and love.
But Rachel, you say, how do I amp up a gift to someone? Like add some extra goodies? Or what if it’s someone I hardly know? Or barely even like? Or what if I have to give a gift to everyone?
I’ve composed a list of gift-giving ideas. Just because this is my gift to you. Whenever you want to give someone a little something extra, just refer to this list. They’re cheap and easy (and yes, you can print them out. I’m on a roll here, man. It's so much fun to make a printable).

SO, did you like this kind of post? What would YOU get Bertha? What are some of the best/worst gifts you’ve ever received?

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